Chicago . . . my kind of town.

Well, here I am sitting in Chi-town, listening to the plaintive calls for passenger Nikolia Schrumpuff, err, whatever his name is. He needs to get his foreigner keister down to Gate B17 for pre-boarding to Stuttgart. Meanwhile, I am stuck here at Gate B16 waiting for my flight to Munich which has been delayed. It sounds like such a minor inconvenience to describe it as "delayed". My whole day has been full of the dreaded d-word.
It's amazing how cheery flight attendants can be while serving the third round of free soft drinks to passengers stranded on the windswept Minneapolis tarmac. I retained my sanity by mentally devouring two newspapers and three magazines, including a mind-numbing Cosmo article on ten easy ways to please your man. Our scheduled 11:05 AM flight finally departed at around 3:00 PM after sitting on the runway for around two and half hours. My problems were compounded by an air traffic control order to hover in the air for an additional 45 minutes while the inevitable convoy of behind schedule aircraft took their turns touching down.
Surely LOT Polish Airlines flight #2, which is ALWAYS delayed, will give me time to spare. I should even be able to stuff my face full of American food one last time before leaving the land of the free. Well imagine my surprise to read the words "ON TIME" displayed on the flight info monitor. My usual dogged sprint to the train and through the international terminal were futile. The doors had shut about five minutes prior to my breathless arrival. Damn you for choosing today to be punctual, LOT Polish Airlines! I'm writing a letter to your CEO.
After some haggling with the powers that be, Agnieszka at the reservation desk, and with a little help from one of the fathers of one of my students, I was able to make it onto a later flight, but through Munich on Lufthansa. Apparently, diplomatic passports carry a little bit more clout than my ratty but well-traveled little blue booklet.
So here I sit. Waiting. I still have enough money to afford a couple dinners. Just got done noshing on a big Chili's burger while chatting up the second-tallest player in WNBA history, 6' 8" Lindsay Taylor who plays the off-season in Poland. And she doesn't just play in some scrub city. She plays in the thriving metropolis of Gorzów, home of the largest oil fields in Poland and only a short two hour bus ride to Berlin. Learn something new everyday.
Fortunately, I haven't quite reached the breaking point yet. Oh, wait a second. We just got delayed again. My flight that was supposed to take off at 8:55 has now been backed up to 10:45. Thank God for the internet. Maybe I should start collecting carts . . .

SantaCam!

This year, let's look at things from Santa's perspective. With about thirty-five relatives packed into the house up in Pengilly, MN, we needed a visit from the big guy. Everything went off without a hitch. There was no beard-pulling, no leg wetting, and only one crying baby. Take a look:

Keep them entertained . . .

As 2008 winds down, and we inch toward a well-deserved three week holiday at the Chronicle, it is paramount that we keep the kids engaged in the learning process. Things can get a little bit wild around here when the youngsters adopt a "Who cares?" attitude. They sit at their desks, bursting with the anticipation of Christmas, with plans to board flights bound for all corners of the globe. Even for those just staying in Warsaw, education can sometimes be the last thing on their minds this time of year. This requires me to get a little bit more creative in my presentation style and bring a touch of "showmanship" to the classroom.
The question I get the most when I introduce kids to the wonderful world of science is, "Are we going to get to blow things up?" or "Do we get to work with fire?". Far be it from me to inspire some young pyromaniacs by handing them a copy of the legendary Anarchist's Cookbook and giving them free reign in the laboratory. I will, however, break out a super cool density demonstration. Don't try this at home:

Sole Survivor!

We are nothing if not timely here at the KC. I'm sure this guy will be getting the Iraqi equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor in a few years. But for now, the government has to feign outrage at such an incident. And how about that Secret Service? You always here about how they are trained "to take a bullet" for the President, but not a size 10 Rockport? Or was that an "Iraqport"? Sorry about the Fozzie Bearesque attempts at humor today but it's that kind of mood around here as Christmas vacation creeps closer and closer. The kids are getting crazier with every passing day.

The most outrageous thing about this incident was not the shoe throw itself but how one would think that this would actually rattle Dubya. Instead, true to form, never letting on that he finally "gets it". . . "it" being reality. This interview, at 1:27, "I don't know what his beef is." Classic. Ex-presidents are given Secret Service protection for 10 years after they leave office. I'm thinking that the American taxpayers will be paying for his protection well into his geriatric years.


Have fun with this new game. The object is to hit the shoes, not the Prez.

Signing Day . . .

Today was the last day for teachers to sign their contracts for the 2009-2010 school year. After a lengthy holdout and some high pressure negotiations between my agent and the general manager of the school, I have decided to stay with the organization for the foreseeable future. This was my first year as a restricted free agent so AS-Dub would have had to match or exceed any lucrative offers from other schools.

There was some interest from teams in Asia, but the only serious offer was a three school sign and trade with the International School of Zimbabwe and Hong Kong International School. They were offering three first-round draft picks and a P.E. teacher to be named later. Rumors abound that this was to be the crafty southpaw, Ken Schwartz of Hong Kong. But my agent invoked the no-trade clause based on Zimbabwe's 11.2 million percent rate of inflation and the uncontrolled cholera epidemic. So it just made sense to resign with one of the classiest organizations in international education rather than take my chances on the open market. It also gives me the privilege to keep performing for the best fans in the world right here in Poland.

Other teachers waited until the waning minutes of the signing period as the clock inched closer to 4:oo PM today. Most are staying put due to the favorable collective bargaining agreement forged with management for the 2009-2010 season. Financial stability in an uncertain economic climate is something you can't take for granted. After all the drama involved in the signing period, I think the pieces will remain in place to make a championship run next year. But we're just taking it one class at a time. Thanks for reading. Have a good weekend!

Seasonal Advice . . .

I successfully navigated the annual staff Christmas party last weekend. It was a swanky affair bordering on opulence since it was held at the Hyatt Hotel in downtown Warsaw. Seeing everybody's differing ideas of what constitutes "festive casual" dress what quite inspiring. In most cases it inspired admiration at how elegant some people can look when they get decked out for a big night on the town. But there are always those rare cases where we should dig up the fresh corpse of Mr. Blackwell and allow him to offer up some wry commentary.

I only say it was a successful navigation because anytime you bring together a huge gathering of professionals who normally don't see each other in such a social setting and then add an open bar, anything can happen. There is a danger in going past the proverbial "tipping point" and saying or doing something you would never have the chutzpah to say or do during working hours. Some of you may still have that office party to attend this holiday season, so I will offer up some things I've learned over the years. Most are from watching others. Some are from personal experience. Without further adieu, here are the KC's

Tips for the Office Holiday Party

1. Never start a conversation with a co-worker by saying "You know what your problem is? "

2. Shots. Not a good idea.


3. Nobody is there to talk about work, especially your co-workers' spouses. If somebody you are chatting up suddenly starts slamming their drink so they can make a quick exit for another one, try this line "So what do you do . . . . ?" or "How about that financial crisis?"

4. Everybody loves your imitation of Kevin Bacon in Footloose. Nobody loves your imitation of Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.



5. Never high-five the boss. Fistbumps are acceptable. One-armed man hugs are not.
6. Utilize the video feature on that digital camera. Blackmail can be very lucrative.

7. If a good buddy is engaging in some termination-worthy behavior, get the camera out, capture about five minutes, and then pour him into the nearest cab. He will owe you for life when you show up the next day with evidence in hand.

8. Mistletoe and co-workers do not mix. Workplace romance only works out on television. This also goes for "freak dancing" with colleagues. See rule # 4.

If you obey this advice from your friends at the Chronicle, the holiday office party can be a safe and joyous occasion sharing the Christmas spirit with your respected workmates. Just be careful around that open bar. Remember, always follow a glass of beer or wine with a glass of water and you'll be in the clear. And always use a designated driver. I will end this week's blog by posting this great reminder about proper gift-giving this holiday season.

Unusual talent . . .

Back in September, we brought you some highlights from the few programs on Polish television that I am able to enjoy. This past weekend was the grand finale of Mam Talent, Poland's answer to America's Got Talent, minus David Hasselhoff. Below is a clip of the winners, two male acrobats doing some amazing things while wearing only underwear. This would certainly qualify as being talented, but I'm wondering how many votes they received from hot and bothered female viewers enamored with this visual exhibition of human art.