A new low . . .

Me, a couch, and cable television. Last night I was able to watch Sharkboy, Abyss, Black Reign, and Rellik duke it out in a "Silent Night, Deadly Night" match. This ridiculous spectacle included a Christmas tree fashioned out of barbed wire placed in the center of the squared circle. Under the tree were presents that contained weapons such as a golf club, a bag of glass, a bag of thumbtacks, and a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.

Yes, it's cold outside and I have resorted to watching pro wrestling. It was so much better when I was a kid.

My new editorial assistant

I've hired a new staff member here at the Chronicle. Her typing speed needs work but she has the people skills and ambitious nature that we look for in young up-and-coming journalists. When hiring new people, I tend to base my decisions on raw potential and the desire to learn on the job. I think I've made a good call with this new hire, except we really need to work on this drooling on the keyboard problem.

I'm dreaming of a white sands Christmas . . .

The last day of school before break is alway the most off-the-wall time for middle school kids. The feverish anticipation of a full three weeks without school adds a chaotic feeling.

But here, things are a bit different. Most of these kids are not thinking about trips to grandma's house, sledding, or building snowmen. There is no shed full of snowmobiles, or drilling holes in a frozen lake in the hopes of landing a giant slab crappie.

Instead, some of these kids will be heading to exotic locales like the Seychelles Islands, or Phuket, Thailand. Others will head to Paris or Egypt. That is the life of an international student. You get all this time off from school and the means to enjoy some pretty extraordinary places.

All of that anxious energy really doesn't translate into much academic progress so ASW has tried to temper what some would call a wasted day with unique educational opportunities called "mini-courses". Students choose 3 classes from a list of offerings such as tie-dying, making ginger-bread houses, ice-skating, or bowling. The editor of the Chronicle was fortunate enough to spend his morning at the water park supervising kids from the cozy warmth of the jacuzzi. As little orphan Annie says, "It's a hard knock life".

The difference between America and yogurt?

The answer to this often heard riddle? Yogurt has culture! Just providing a little microbiology humor for you on this dark and gloomy Friday in Warsaw. Yes folks, we have entered "the tunnel" as the teachers at ASW call this time of year. It starts around mid-November and lasts until the end of February. During this span, we rarely see the sun. It is dark when you roll out of bed, and dark when the kids go home at 4 PM. During the daylight hours, the sky is consistently gray, enough to make a person retreat to the nearest solarium, or tanning salon.

The best way to combat tunnel syndrome is to venture out of your home during the evenings. On Wednesday, for example, I received a dose of high-brow sophistication by attending the opera. Yes, the opera. And as anybody who has known me for awhile can attest, I can sometimes lack the social refinement necessary to blend in at functions such as this. However, I found this spectacle to be quite elegant, albeit a severe test of my limited attention span.

The interior of Teatr Wielki was quite a sight to behold. Like most of the ornate buildings in Warsaw, it was completely destroyed during WWII but painstakingly recreated during the 50's and 60's. You can take a virtual tour here.

All the operatic cliches were on display. The show was called La Traviata, or "The Misguided One". It was sung in Italian, but they did have a lighted sign above the stage where the play was translated into Polish. This does nothing for the monolinguistic imbecile. Yes, there was the proverbial "fat lady" from the famous sports quotation: "It ain't over until the fat lady sings." In this case, she sang. And sang. And sang some more. And then she dies at the end. Maybe from too much singing.

La Traviata clocked in at around 2 hours 40 minutes. This is longer than most sporting events, but certainly not as exciting. They did have a couple intermissions where one could hit the concession stand. However, there were no giant pretzels, hot dogs, or oversized foam #1 hands for sale. This led me to ponder few ways they could improve the opera:

5) You should be allowed to stand and cheer during the exciting parts of an opera.

4) Since there are not many exciting parts, more fight scenes could be added, and maybe even a chase scene that spills out into the audience.

3) One of the songs should be designated for audience participation, ala "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Who wouldn't want to belt out the lyrics "I'm the Barber of Seville! Figaro! Figaro!" at the top of their lungs?

2) Everything is better with dancing. Have the singers shed a few pounds and incorporate some choreography. Think Michael Flatly from "RiverDance" but with the voice of Luciano Pavarotti.



1) Scotchguard the theatre seats, install cupholders and allow beer vendors to roam the aisles. But they would call out in an operatic tone. "Beer here! Get your ice cold beer here!" Or in Polish "Ziemno Piwo!" (Damn I'm getting good.)

That's all for now! If it's sunny where you are . . . ENJOY IT! I am jealous and rapidly turning a shade of pale that matches the fluffy powder I am hoping to find in Idaho at the end of the month.

Do widzenia!

Twinsanity

Great weekend . . . Had a party at my place for Luiza and her twin sister Asia (AH-sha). The girls turned 30. Hard to believe, they look like they are still about 23. Something in the water over here, maybe. It was a great party, and I was happy to host. Am I getting lazy with the use of these video blogs instead of actually writing something? Well, I think that you would much rather look at some pics of these two cuties than read some random musings about my daily life.

12 more days until I'm back in Minnesota! See you soon!