Remember the Ice Capades? I vaguely remember attending a show at the Duluth Arena when I was a youngster. This was back when I was still harboring dreams of one day becoming a real hockey player like my heroes on the 1982 Hibbing High School hockey team. The stark realization that I was far behind my peers in the ability to streak down the ice at high speeds came to fruition during the Winter Frolic skating races during my sixth grade year. (January of 1986?)
The only reason I made the finals against the much more coordinated kids from the public schools was a pile-up in the final turn of the qualifying race that I somehow avoided being swept into. The clear-cut favorite, a gifted skater that went by the moniker "Duke", crashed and burned on that fateful day, allowing me to skate to victory, not unlike the miracle gold medal finish of Australian speedskater Steven Bradbury in the 2002 Olympics.
The other kids at St. Leo's school knew that I would be inevitably and soundly defeated the next week during the finals. The Duke had been the best hope for our tiny Catholic school to achieve vicarious glory. Their fears were confirmed. I wasn't even close, finishing a distant sixth place, but being awarded the miniscule courtesy medal that soon found its way to the bottom of my dresser drawer. Not long after suffering this crushing embarrassment, I decided to hang up my skates in favor of spending the next 6 years competing in a Speedo.
Fast forward 23 years to the recognition that only the love of a good woman could get me to put on another set of blades. What little skill I had back in the day has severely deteriorated into what one might envision if Fred Flinstone were crossed with one of the Hanson brothers. Fortunately I had the Polish Peggy Fleming to distract anyone's attention to my robotic movements.
How I took all the available sheets of ice for granted growing up. I can remember having no fewer than 6 city rinks to carve up either indoors or outdoors. This isn't quite the case here in Warsaw. Check out how unbelievably crowded open skating can be! You need to have your head on a swivel out there, lest you be taken out by another novice flailing about.
