The answer to this often heard riddle? Yogurt has culture! Just providing a little microbiology humor for you on this dark and gloomy Friday in Warsaw. Yes folks, we have entered "the tunnel" as the teachers at ASW call this time of year. It starts around mid-November and lasts until the end of February. During this span, we rarely see the sun. It is dark when you roll out of bed, and dark when the kids go home at 4 PM. During the daylight hours, the sky is consistently gray, enough to make a person retreat to the nearest solarium, or tanning salon.
The best way to combat tunnel syndrome is to venture out of your home during the evenings. On Wednesday, for example, I received a dose of high-brow sophistication by attending the opera. Yes, the opera. And as anybody who has known me for awhile can attest, I can sometimes lack the social refinement necessary to blend in at functions such as this. However, I found this spectacle to be quite elegant, albeit a severe test of my limited attention span.
The interior of Teatr Wielki was quite a sight to behold. Like most of the ornate buildings in Warsaw, it was completely destroyed during WWII but painstakingly recreated during the 50's and 60's. You can take a virtual tour here.
All the operatic cliches were on display. The show was called La Traviata, or "The Misguided One". It was sung in Italian, but they did have a lighted sign above the stage where the play was translated into Polish. This does nothing for the monolinguistic imbecile. Yes, there was the proverbial "fat lady" from the famous sports quotation: "It ain't over until the fat lady sings." In this case, she sang. And sang. And sang some more. And then she dies at the end. Maybe from too much singing.
La Traviata clocked in at around 2 hours 40 minutes. This is longer than most sporting events, but certainly not as exciting. They did have a couple intermissions where one could hit the concession stand. However, there were no giant pretzels, hot dogs, or oversized foam #1 hands for sale. This led me to ponder few ways they could improve the opera:
5) You should be allowed to stand and cheer during the exciting parts of an opera.
4) Since there are not many exciting parts, more fight scenes could be added, and maybe even a chase scene that spills out into the audience.
3) One of the songs should be designated for audience participation, ala "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Who wouldn't want to belt out the lyrics "I'm the Barber of Seville! Figaro! Figaro!" at the top of their lungs?
2) Everything is better with dancing. Have the singers shed a few pounds and incorporate some choreography. Think Michael Flatly from "RiverDance" but with the voice of Luciano Pavarotti.
1) Scotchguard the theatre seats, install cupholders and allow beer vendors to roam the aisles. But they would call out in an operatic tone. "Beer here! Get your ice cold beer here!" Or in Polish "Ziemno Piwo!" (Damn I'm getting good.)
That's all for now! If it's sunny where you are . . . ENJOY IT! I am jealous and rapidly turning a shade of pale that matches the fluffy powder I am hoping to find in Idaho at the end of the month.
Do widzenia!
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