The fine art of wearing a Speedo.

With the arrival of swimsuit season, we at the Chronicle want to post some friendly advice when it comes to choosing men's beachwear. Here are some rules to follow when deciding whether or not to squeeze into that skimpy Speedo:

Don't do it if . . .

1. You are not a competitive swimmer.
2. You can't see your feet.
3. When you're significant other runs her fingers through your hair, she's rubbing your back.

The above rules do not apply if you meet any of the following criteria:

1. You are German. (but you must be on holiday in Croatia)*




2. You are Polish (but you have to be living in Poland)*



3. You are an American wearing skis.
(CAUTION: This video is NOT to be viewed by small children!)



Thanks to my friend Ethan back in Boise for inspiring this blog entry. He breaks all the rules when it comes to pulling off the pink banana hammock. I'm so glad that he wasn't wearing this when we skied Brundage back in January.

*I took the photo of the German back in 2005. The other magnificent specimen was captured on film at Powsin Park a few days ago when we took the kids there for a field trip. I was so proud of them for not gawking like their teacher did.