SantaCam!

This year, let's look at things from Santa's perspective. With about thirty-five relatives packed into the house up in Pengilly, MN, we needed a visit from the big guy. Everything went off without a hitch. There was no beard-pulling, no leg wetting, and only one crying baby. Take a look:

Keep them entertained . . .

As 2008 winds down, and we inch toward a well-deserved three week holiday at the Chronicle, it is paramount that we keep the kids engaged in the learning process. Things can get a little bit wild around here when the youngsters adopt a "Who cares?" attitude. They sit at their desks, bursting with the anticipation of Christmas, with plans to board flights bound for all corners of the globe. Even for those just staying in Warsaw, education can sometimes be the last thing on their minds this time of year. This requires me to get a little bit more creative in my presentation style and bring a touch of "showmanship" to the classroom.
The question I get the most when I introduce kids to the wonderful world of science is, "Are we going to get to blow things up?" or "Do we get to work with fire?". Far be it from me to inspire some young pyromaniacs by handing them a copy of the legendary Anarchist's Cookbook and giving them free reign in the laboratory. I will, however, break out a super cool density demonstration. Don't try this at home:

Sole Survivor!

We are nothing if not timely here at the KC. I'm sure this guy will be getting the Iraqi equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor in a few years. But for now, the government has to feign outrage at such an incident. And how about that Secret Service? You always here about how they are trained "to take a bullet" for the President, but not a size 10 Rockport? Or was that an "Iraqport"? Sorry about the Fozzie Bearesque attempts at humor today but it's that kind of mood around here as Christmas vacation creeps closer and closer. The kids are getting crazier with every passing day.

The most outrageous thing about this incident was not the shoe throw itself but how one would think that this would actually rattle Dubya. Instead, true to form, never letting on that he finally "gets it". . . "it" being reality. This interview, at 1:27, "I don't know what his beef is." Classic. Ex-presidents are given Secret Service protection for 10 years after they leave office. I'm thinking that the American taxpayers will be paying for his protection well into his geriatric years.


Have fun with this new game. The object is to hit the shoes, not the Prez.

Signing Day . . .

Today was the last day for teachers to sign their contracts for the 2009-2010 school year. After a lengthy holdout and some high pressure negotiations between my agent and the general manager of the school, I have decided to stay with the organization for the foreseeable future. This was my first year as a restricted free agent so AS-Dub would have had to match or exceed any lucrative offers from other schools.

There was some interest from teams in Asia, but the only serious offer was a three school sign and trade with the International School of Zimbabwe and Hong Kong International School. They were offering three first-round draft picks and a P.E. teacher to be named later. Rumors abound that this was to be the crafty southpaw, Ken Schwartz of Hong Kong. But my agent invoked the no-trade clause based on Zimbabwe's 11.2 million percent rate of inflation and the uncontrolled cholera epidemic. So it just made sense to resign with one of the classiest organizations in international education rather than take my chances on the open market. It also gives me the privilege to keep performing for the best fans in the world right here in Poland.

Other teachers waited until the waning minutes of the signing period as the clock inched closer to 4:oo PM today. Most are staying put due to the favorable collective bargaining agreement forged with management for the 2009-2010 season. Financial stability in an uncertain economic climate is something you can't take for granted. After all the drama involved in the signing period, I think the pieces will remain in place to make a championship run next year. But we're just taking it one class at a time. Thanks for reading. Have a good weekend!

Seasonal Advice . . .

I successfully navigated the annual staff Christmas party last weekend. It was a swanky affair bordering on opulence since it was held at the Hyatt Hotel in downtown Warsaw. Seeing everybody's differing ideas of what constitutes "festive casual" dress what quite inspiring. In most cases it inspired admiration at how elegant some people can look when they get decked out for a big night on the town. But there are always those rare cases where we should dig up the fresh corpse of Mr. Blackwell and allow him to offer up some wry commentary.

I only say it was a successful navigation because anytime you bring together a huge gathering of professionals who normally don't see each other in such a social setting and then add an open bar, anything can happen. There is a danger in going past the proverbial "tipping point" and saying or doing something you would never have the chutzpah to say or do during working hours. Some of you may still have that office party to attend this holiday season, so I will offer up some things I've learned over the years. Most are from watching others. Some are from personal experience. Without further adieu, here are the KC's

Tips for the Office Holiday Party

1. Never start a conversation with a co-worker by saying "You know what your problem is? "

2. Shots. Not a good idea.


3. Nobody is there to talk about work, especially your co-workers' spouses. If somebody you are chatting up suddenly starts slamming their drink so they can make a quick exit for another one, try this line "So what do you do . . . . ?" or "How about that financial crisis?"

4. Everybody loves your imitation of Kevin Bacon in Footloose. Nobody loves your imitation of Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.



5. Never high-five the boss. Fistbumps are acceptable. One-armed man hugs are not.
6. Utilize the video feature on that digital camera. Blackmail can be very lucrative.

7. If a good buddy is engaging in some termination-worthy behavior, get the camera out, capture about five minutes, and then pour him into the nearest cab. He will owe you for life when you show up the next day with evidence in hand.

8. Mistletoe and co-workers do not mix. Workplace romance only works out on television. This also goes for "freak dancing" with colleagues. See rule # 4.

If you obey this advice from your friends at the Chronicle, the holiday office party can be a safe and joyous occasion sharing the Christmas spirit with your respected workmates. Just be careful around that open bar. Remember, always follow a glass of beer or wine with a glass of water and you'll be in the clear. And always use a designated driver. I will end this week's blog by posting this great reminder about proper gift-giving this holiday season.

Unusual talent . . .

Back in September, we brought you some highlights from the few programs on Polish television that I am able to enjoy. This past weekend was the grand finale of Mam Talent, Poland's answer to America's Got Talent, minus David Hasselhoff. Below is a clip of the winners, two male acrobats doing some amazing things while wearing only underwear. This would certainly qualify as being talented, but I'm wondering how many votes they received from hot and bothered female viewers enamored with this visual exhibition of human art.

Things to be thankful for . . .

Whatever you call it: being "blessed", having good karma, luck, etc. the Chronicle has a lot of things to be thankful for this holiday season. This is meant to be an unconventional list, so if not seeing "The love of family and friends" makes you think I'm not thankful for them, then I will just say right off the bat that I value them first and foremost. That might even include you, gentle reader. So, in no particular order, here are just a few more.

1) Skype. The ability to see my parents on the webcam every week while talking to them when I am so far away (4,529 miles according to indigo.com) is truly a gift. Add to that the fact that it costs nothing to call them and you have something to truly be thankful for. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, download Skype today and give me a call! That means you Dave and Paul! Quit living in the stone age. Dust off the wallet and drop the dial-up internet.

2) Jogobella yoghurt. It's Polish, comes in really big containers, and is damn tasty. Pineapple and kiwi flavors are my faves.

3) My new roommate. Yes, I am "living in sin". Sorry Mom! But you always said that whatever makes me happy makes you happy too. I am happy : )



4) My job. I never take for granted a place where I learn far more from the kids than they learn from me. It's also gratifying to know that the people I work for value me as well, especially during these tough economic times. Thank you school board and parents!

5) Wizzair. You gotta love a no-frills budget airline that is ballsy enough to paint their planes fuschia. $100 round trip from Warsaw to Italy . . . que bueno!




6) Podcasts. Being able to load up the iPod every morning with my favorite radio shows from the states so I can get through the commute is priceless, and free!


7) Obama. Yes, their are still 55 more days left of shame, but I can already detect an audible increase in volume when telling people what country I am from. Hurray for the return of dignity, intellect, and humility to the White House! He could accomplish nothing over the next four years but it's just nice to have a cool President for a change.



8) Being able to watch episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report online. We are self-professed news junkies here at the Chronicle. These guys make even the depressing stories seem funny.



9) Facebook. Yes, this just sent all of you anti-establishment, "swim against the current" folks cringing. But it's just another one of those pieces of technology that keeps the overseas guy in the loop. I am especially amused by the photos posted by former students and younger cousins. Good to know that keg stands haven't gone out of style.

10) Sarah Palin. God, how I love that woman. She has given so much laughter to so many people. Where, oh where, can I make my contribution to the Palin campaign for President in 2012?

11) Free coffee at work. Sometimes its the little perks that make the biggest difference and nothings brings employees together like free coffee. A big thank you to Kasia who makes it every morning. You are appreciated :)

12) Visitors. Having friends and family who make all the effort, and spend the money to come and see me here in Poland is really appreciated. When are you making the trip?

Wanted: Teachers willing to relocate to faraway lands

It's that time of year again where I make the yearly plea to my stateside colleagues encouraging them to try teaching abroad. The last couple years resulted in two of my friends attending job fairs in Iowa and San Francisco, with both of them ending up in sunny Ecuador. The Chronicle is happy to report that D who worked down the hall from me in Middleton (Idaho) and K, who I used to work with at Green Mill in Fargo have found enormous job satisfaction and endless adventures near that imaginary line dividing the hemispheres. In fact, sources close to the KC say one of them (luckily the one that is not married) has even found a cross-cultural romance which might lead to a contract renewal for next year.

Are there any educators out there willing to take the plunge in 2009? It is astonishing how many international schools are opening up around the globe. One statistic published by The International Educator put the number of international schools in 2000 at 1,700. At the beginning of 2008, there were over 5,000. I will admit that not a small number of these are fly by night operations in dangerous geographic locales. They span the globe and even the alphabet from A (Azerbaijan and even Afghanistan) to Z (Zambia and Zimbabwe), so it pays to conduct thorough research before you land that dream job in the Grand Cayman Islands or Costa Rica. You could end up signing a contract to spend the next two years of your life in Kabul.


Even though I am thousands of miles from the nearest beach and Jack Frost is about to start farting white stuff all over Poland this weekend, the last couple years have been an amazing adventure both personally and professionally. Sure, the Polish winters are frigid and unfailingly bleak, but I consider myself quite fortunate to have ended up here at AS Dub. And if any readers out there in the business of teaching children are tired of it being just that, a "business", then write to the editors at the Chronicle and we will be happy to give you advice on how to get started on a career overseas. After all, I think Obama has too much on his plate to worry about trivial matters such as class sizes and a yearly raise for teachers that exceeds the rate of inflation. But don't delay, deadlines for registering at job fairs at the University of Northern Iowa (deadline: January 9th), San Francisco (January 5th), and Cambridge, MA.

Well, that's the spiel for this year. I hope we can report again on a successful candidacy around February after recruitment season. Thanks for reading!

Thoughts on Italy, Obama, and the closing of Damascus Community School

It's been a long time since I poured out the contents of my grey matter onto this keyboard. Since then, it's been quite an eventful couple of weeks with a trip to Tuscany, an historical election, and the political expulsion of some colleagues down in Syria. All of these are worth their own separate blog entry in the Chronicle but since there is a lot more going on in the near future, I will cover all of these issues en masse.

First of all, let me say that I have a newfound love of Italy. Being able to spend a whole week in the northern part of the country opened my eyes to both the natural and man-made wonders of Tuscany. This was my second trip to "the boot of the Mediterranean" and the first I was inspired to write extensively about. Longtime readers will remember a trip to Rome with my brother Dave and the parents back in the spring of 2007, but that entry focused mainly on the beauty of Slovenia and a tearful family reunion. I can say that I was awe-inspired by the world famous scenes of historical importance such as the Coliseum, Forum, and Pantheon or the extraordinary religious significance of the Vatican. However, the real beauty of Italy lies in the culinary delights, vineyards, and the idea of "la dolce vita" (the sweet life) that is the very essence of the Italian countryside.

Our trip started with some gorgeous weather in the Cinque Terre, a collection of five rustic seaside villages dotting the Italian Riviera. The three days we spent there consisted of hiking the trails along the cliffs, sipping the acclaimed white wine produced in the region, devouring anything dipped in pesto, and trying to avoid the disciples of Steves.



Okay, I will admit that I enjoy the Rick Steves guidebook series. His refreshing takes on how to travel through "the back door" by focusing more on the holistic experience of travel rather than a checklist of landmarks, churches, and museums are a philosophy everyone should subscribe to. Be that as it may, the followers of Rick Steves' books have become victims of his success. It seemed that wherever we went in the Cinque Terre, per his recommendation, we found my fellow Americans. The majority of those encountered were quite pleasant and it was enjoyable to chat with people about where they were from, including the lady from Blaine, Minnesota who was on sabbatical from her teaching job for a stint teaching at a boarding school in Switzerland. I also had the chance to converse with a fellow North Dakota State alum in San Gimignano after inquiring about whether she was Canadian or Minnesotan. You can't miss that accent. Okay, I shall digress, since the more I consider things, I'm coming to the conclusion that I should appreciate the fact that Americans are not letting the terrorists win by cowering in fear back at home. (This last statement was with tongue firmly in cheek).

Pisa was one of the definite highlights of the trip even though we were enjoying it under a torrential downpour. Seeing one of the most recognizable sights anywhere on the globe had an almost mythical quality about it. This feeling was quickly replaced by bewilderment associated with countless people striving for that perfect picture of them keeping the tower from falling over.

Not much hasn't already been written about the aesthetic virtues of Florence, so I won't even make an attempt except to say that it does deserve another visit. Our itinerary only allowed for one day of sightseeing there though it was our base of operations for three days. I have no idea how insane the crowds must be in the summer time months, and am in no hurry to find out. Crowds were thick even in the low season of late October.





We also visited Sienna, a fantastic historical rival to the larger Florence, and surrounded by the rolling vineyards of Tuscany. We took advantage of the inexpensive Chianti which flows like water but still managed to trudge 360 steps to the top of the town hall tower for a stunning view of the countryside.

Tuscany managed to meet the sky high expectations created by the endless guide book hyperbole. With so many sights to see in Europe, and having an open-ended tour of duty here, a repeat visit will have to wedged in there somewhere, especially with the election restoring some modicum of goodwill towards the American people.


Yes, I must say, my faith has been restored in democracy and my apathy towards the political process in general has ebbed to a historical low point after reaching an all-time peak in 2004. Even if Obama fails to deliver on most of his promises and the impending financial crisis and military quagmire extinguish this upwelling of hope, at least we have shown that anything is possible in the US of A.


With that being said, old W still has more than two months to really muck things up for his successor. He has already had a direct impact on the careers of four former ASW colleagues. The military operation conducted within Syria's borders caused a slight backlash leading to the closure of the Damascus Community School. Two couple that I had worked with here in Poland were told they had 48 hours to pack their bags and get out of the country. I guess a six month paid vacation is not so bad but now they have to go back to one of the international job fairs and go through the cattle call once again.

Congrats to Danielle and Dave in Ecuador! They have decided to extend their contract for another year of adventure on the middle of the globe. And it sounds like Dave is studying to become a teacher too. It's a good life. Thanks for reading! Happy Independence Day to all my Polish readers and to all those stateside, thank a veteran. Do widzenia . . .

Italia!

Haven't had time to post in a couple weeks. Sorry about that. But enjoy some footage from fall break! Tuscany exceeded all my expectations. Will share more thoughts on that later.

Do widzenia,

Mark

Making history in Albania . . .

Last year around this time, the Chronicle reported from frigid Ukraine after taking the ASW middle school cross country team to the capital, Kiev. As we strive to push the touristic envelope by squiring you, the reader, to the deepest, darkest, least visited corners of Europe as well as the more popular destinations, the Kielbasa sports editor was sent to Tirana, Albania a couple weeks ago.

"Why Tirana?" you may be asking, as well as a few parents concerned about their child's safety. Well, think of CEESA (the Central Eastern European Schools Association) as a sports league, in the same vein as major league baseball except without the steroids and exorbitant payrolls. Schools in Warsaw, Moscow, Prague, Budapest, Istanbul and Bucharest have outstanding facilities for hosting the team sports, i.e. soccer, basketball, volleyball, and softball. These are the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox of international schools, which operate on healthy budgets but charge twelve dollars for a beer and a hot dog. Oh wait, that's still baseball.

International schools in cities such as Vilnius, Tallin, Riga, Zagreb, and Belgrade are the small market teams, the Minnesota Twins, Milwaukee Brewers, and Kansas City Royals if you will. They lack the facilities to host the major tournaments so they take turns hosting smaller events such as tennis, Math Counts, Knowledge Bowl and Speech and Debate. Oh yeah, and cross country too. It doesn't take much to host a cross country meet except a big park, some road construction cones, and a few volunteers.

So consider a school like Tirana International to be the Nashville Sounds, a AAA affiliate of MLB. They want to be invited to the major leagues but have to prove themselves worthy by hosting an event. Which is why the Chronicle sports department was witness to the first ever cross country race in Albania's history:





One of the more fascinating, albeit tragic, reminders of Albania's isolationist past are the bunkers that dot the landscape from the coastal beaches to the rugged mountain terrain. Everywhere you look, there are small, cylindrical concrete shelters large enough for only one man. Albania's Stalinist dictator, Enver Hoxha, commissioned the construction of 600,000 refuges, enough for 25% of the country's population. He feared invasion not only from the West, but from his ally, the Soviet Union as well. Check out some of the beachside huts of Albania:

Frogs pick up the Czech and another Capital's Cup

Some of you may or may not know that one of my hobbies is playing old man rugby with the Warsaw Frogs. I really shouldn't characterize this brand of the English sport with such a condescending denomination since being 34 makes me one of the club's elder statesmen. Truth be told, there are a large number of quality players from around the world making up the squad. They just happen to have landed in Poland's capital for a variety of reasons, be it love of country, a good woman, or money.

One could go as far as saying that the Frogs are a mainstay of the social scene for ex-pats in Warsaw. There are around sixty guys involved in various team functions, be it actual matches or just hoisting the occasional pint while wearing team gear. The annual Warsaw Tens tournament in May is attended by more than a dozen teams from around Europe and as far away as Tahiti and the United States. But our season culminates in the fall at the Capital's Cup, hosted by either Moscow, Vienna, Warsaw, Budapest, or this year's team, the Prague Barbarians.

Since all touring sides live by the credo: "What goes on tour, stays on tour.", I will provide only a partial glimpse into the weekend. Defending the title with ease (bulletin board material for the archrival Moscow Dragons)after only allowing one try to be scored against us in five matches, the Frogs hoisted their third consecutive cup. Amazingly enough, this ugly mug remained unscathed by the usual contusions beneath my eyes. My only badge of honor this year was a nasty spike-shaped bruise upon my derriere.

The real fun began after the actual playing of the matches. Every year the team braintrust chooses a different theme for the trip. This year's was a parody of the world famous French bicycle race. But instead of conquering the Alps and Pyrenees, the "riders" in the 2008 Le Tour De Frogs spilled into the streets of Prague clad in various shades of spandex and brandishing a thirst for adventure rather than pain and agony.

For those unfamiliar with the sport, the physiques required to play rugby vary from the dainty, waif-like backs to the robust members of the scrum who never miss a meal. Hilarity ensued when the whole traveling party of twenty four guys were squeezing into outfits which left little to the imagination.

The rest of the weekend is contained within the classified files at the Chronicle, only to be revealed upon court order.

What the hell is going on over there?

It's clips like this of angry mobs that make me very scared! Are there really that many angry mobs back in the U.S.? Alright, I realize that he's not exactly speaking to a gathering of MENSA but it really makes me feel warm and cozy to be far far away from people like this:



My apologies for not posting in a couple weeks, but with the three day weekend in Prague, defending the Warsaw Frogs' title as the best ex-pat rugby team in Central / Eastern Europe and then the four day junket to bizarrely picturesque Tirana, Albania for the CEESA cross country meet, I have been kind of spent.
You can look for a more extensive update in the next few days as things return to normal around here. For now, I will just give you a couple teaser pics from Prague and Albania. See you in a little bit . . . oh, and head on over to Danielle's Living the Good Life blog for some great pics of mountain biking in the Andes. Pretty damn cool stuff.













ALBANIA! The country's motto: It's really not as bad as you'd think!

Weekend in the mountains . . .

Last weekend, the Chronicle staff decided to get out of town and head for the hills, errr, I mean mountains. "Poland has mountains? I did not know that." Yes, dear readers, this country does contain some topographical features but unfortunately it is necessary to take a six hour train ride to see them. So charge up your iPod, buy the latest issue of the Economist, and take along a beautiful blonde traveling companion. We are headed to Zakopane (zah-ko-PAH-nee).

When you talk about this famous mountain resort town, the first thing that comes to mind for me is the legendary Oscypek. This is a cheese made out of salted sheep's milk and sold only in the Tatra Mountains of Poland. The process in making this highly-addictive dairy product sounds relatively simple. You grab the nearest sheep,whisper sweet nothings in its ear, milk it, make some cottage cheese, throw it in a fancy little wooden form for a night or two, and finally smoke it in a hut for a couple weeks. Okay, maybe it's not so simple but the result is absolutely mouth-watering and worth all the effort.

As you walk through the city, there are carts everywhere selling Oscypek. It costs about forty cents for a golf ball sized chunk. Double that price if you want it cooked over an open flame and served just above the melting point. Excuse me, I need to wipe the drool off my keyboard.

After devouring about twenty pieces of smoked cheese, it was out to dinner for some lamb smothered in more cheese. It felt like Thanksgiving in September as we waddled back up the street to our hotel. Fate had also smiled on us upon checking in. We were informed that a tour group had take over the whole 2nd floor so we were upgraded to a suite.

I had to chuckle upon learning that our fellow guests were all retirees from upstate New York. One couple was even decked out head to toe in Buffalo Bills gear on Sunday morning. Hey, whatever works for ya I guess, since the Bills are 4-0 so far this season.

The next morning we spent a couple hours waiting in line for the gondola to take us up to the top of the 6,500 ft Kasprowy Wierch. I think we could've climbed to the top in that amount of time, but there was so much snow near the summit, some skiers were getting lots of early season turns.

After coming down from the peak, we had just enough time to quaff a couple pints, and of course more cheese, before jumping back on the rails. It had been a beautiful but quick weekend getaway . . . Next week, we will report from Prague, site of this weekend's Capital's Cup Rugby tournament. Do widzenia!

Don't piss off Letterman . . .

Thanks to my Mom for giving me heads up on this one. Some really funny stuff from Dave last night. The guy was on fire! Enjoy . . .

T.V. Guide

I've been surviving without television for quite some time now. Despite being one of those kids who lived for the Thursday night lineup on NBC (Cosby Show, Different World, Cheers, and the very underrated Night Court), I was able to wean myself off the tube during my years spent in Boise. This stemmed more from my inability to afford basic cable on a teacher's salary than from some conscious decision to put down the remote and participate in life. Okay, I did spring for high-speed internet and spend an alarming amount of time clicking the mouse, so to speak.

Viewing choices here in Poland are limited for the linguistically challenged. You can catch American movies on every night, but must train your ear to ignore the monotone recitation of the dreaded "lektor": the deep-voiced Pole who is doing his best impersonation of James Earle Jones. Unlike countries in western Europe, where they hire individual artists for overdubbing each actor's lines, there are identical utterances heard for each role.

However, there is one thing I enjoy about Polish television. They have no qualms about showing liberal amounts of skin, no matter what time of day. Last night, for example, I was treated to at least a full two minutes of Demi Moore's silicon enhanced torso (cleaning it up for the younger readers)in a scene from her 1996 smash hit about exotic dancing with Burt Reynolds. And of course, dropping the dreaded "F-bomb" during prime time is certainly no big f'ing deal. It's akin to me appearing on Sesame Street and saying "K*#@a!", the mother of all Polish swear words. In deference to my Polish readers, I will refrain from such profanity in future postings.

Yes, you will never see a Nipplegate scandal here in Poland. As Luiza says, there are some "pretty strange American rules" about television. "Not German, not British, not Polish, ONLY American rules." I think this probably pertains to the rest of Europe too.

Two programs that I have thoroughly enjoyed recently, despite the language barrier, are "Mam Talent" (you have talent) and "You Can Dance". Yes, I realize that these are blatant rip-offs of shows produced in both England and the U.S., but they are infinitely more entertaining. Like their predecessors, both of these shows rely on the delusional for comic relief. We all derive some twisted pleasure out of seeing somebody make a fool out of themselves and then become enraged because they believe the judges just can't see how really gifted they are. Only mom and dad, or some incredibly desperate life partner still believes in them.

Here are a couple clips from Mam Talent. The first is of my dark horse candidate for bringing home the title, Sssssnake. Pay attention to the Gene Simmons inspired tongue-flicking. He made it through to the next round. All he needs to do to push him over the top is swallow a live field mouse on stage. It would be Game Over for all the other contestants. Ssssnake, if you're a reader of the Chronicle, I am a big fan! Oooops, no more youtube clip, but you can find the vid HERE.

Of course, there was the obligatory little girl with the big voice act. These always make the judges cry. She really is cute, but I don't think she holds a candle to Britney Spears on Star Search:


As for "You Can Dance", here is my dark horse contestant, Justyna. The judges loved her, ahem, "spunk", so much that they kept a running dialogue with her for five minutes. I think these two guys have been hanging out at the Bulgarian Embassy in downtown Warsaw.

But the man to beat is Jakub, who made the judges cry. He's gotta shave the awful peach fuzz beard if he wants to win. It's as bad as my attempts at facial hair. Okay, almost. Have a good weekend!

Deleted Scenes . . .

Sitting home sick today. If there's one thing about Polish docs, it's that they always err on the side of caution and usually recommend AT LEAST 3 days off, no matter what your ailment. I hope this is the one and only day I need for the antibiotics to destroy these little sinus infection bugs.

Congrats to my cousin Chad who got married last weekend. Here's a pic of all the cousins at the wedding. Click on it for a closer look. They had a photo booth which certainly allowed for some great candids. Looks like everybody is having a great time. Wish I could've been there!

I rescued a few short clips and pics from my camera and decided to throw them together in a short video. It's just a little window into the last couple months. Summer with the family, beach rugby, school field trip, and the George Clinton concert. Don't get too dizzy during the bicycling portion . . . I did. Or maybe it's just my stuffed up sinuses.

So much inspiration, yet so little perspiration.

My literary fire has been more of a weakly glowing ember lately. It could be that as the weather gets colder, and I actually have to get up and go to work in the morning, the energy reserved for conjuring up slide shows and penning some random whimsical thoughts just isn't available. Maybe a nice picture of my childhood heroes Ponch and John will help. It could be just random enough to trigger some semblance of creative thought.

On a side note, to all my readers in Canyon County, Idaho, (that all 2 of you!), please remember to get out and vote in November. I hope that when I return to Idaho, the state will have faded from blazing red to a more pleasant shade of light blue. I know it will never be New Hampshire, after all this is the state that elected Larry Craig and Bill Sali. However, I was happy to hear that my good friend and mentor, Mike Warwick, is running for State Representative. He doesn't think he stands a chance but knowing how many young minds he has influenced over the last 20 years, I disagree. You can check out his site here.

The ASW middle school cross country season is under way with yours truly at the helm. Not sure that my flabby carcass deserves to be coaching such a fine bunch of youngsters. I don't exactly look svelte after inhaling paella and drowning in sangria all summer. The damage was evident on Tuesday as I lost a 3K race to a couple kids on my team. To make matters worse, one of them was a sixth grader! I could have easily kept this a secret from you, dear readers, but I feel by publicizing my defeat, I just might turn things around by Christmas. Otherwise, I won't be needing that pillow to play Santa this year. Keep me in your prayers, and also pray that Alaska gets a $30 billion natural gas pipeline. Amen! (please watch this, it's unbelievable!) This lady could be one missed heartbeat away from being President.

Why isn't anybody worried?

Greetings from the front lines of the new cold war. Yes, it looks like we are headed for another chilly relationship with our old friends to the East. Our former friend Vlad is none too happy that Georgie has decided to install some missiles here in Poland. And our fine feathered friend, Lech "The Duck" Kaczynski has been thumbing his nose at Putin every chance he gets. He even took a trip to Georgia to show support for the "victims of Russian aggression". Check out this CNN clip if you are confused:



Amid all these charges and counter-charges, nobody has bothered to suggest I flee Poland ahead of the impending invasion of the Red Army. Actually, I suppose it can't be called that anymore since the Russian flag bears no resemblance to the crimson banner of the Soviets. Too many colors on the current flag to assign a name like that. It's still interesting that not even my mom has called to voice her concern over a possible nuclear strike.

The Kielbasa is a bit confused as to why GW would want to go through all this trouble pissing off the Russians for the purpose of protecting Europe from the Iranians. This was agreed to before the devil went down to Georgia. Sorry, had to reference Charlie Daniels, since I'm sure that there are those from the American Deep South that fear for the safety of Atlanta's citizenry.

Dear readers, you can take comfort in the fact that there are no trips to Moscow planned for this school year. My two coaching assignments require travel to Albania and Hungary. Last time I checked, we were still on good terms with both countries. But then again, you never know what kind of reckless endangerment is planned for the last 4 months of this Presidency. Look for our naval fleet to set sail for the shores of the Balkan Peninsula anytime soon. Sorry to cut this short, I have to go find my nearest bomb shelter. Thanks for reading!

P.S. Maybe it's time for Sly Stallone to begin production on Rocky 7 . . . it worked before.

Summertime wrap-up . . .

Now that the Kielbasa is finished with its summertime hiatus--but I actually posted a few times!--I just want to lean back in the broken office chair and, in the immortal words of "The Boss", Bruce Springsteen:

"Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days."

Yes, I'm nostalgic for summer already, as educators all over the world are dragged kicking and screaming back to their classrooms. Well, those of us in the northern hemisphere, anyway. My apologies to those reading in Ecuador and Peru. I'm feeling the same pain you felt a few weeks ago.

The last 5 days in Spain were spent basking on the scorching white sands of coastal Valencia. Luiza and I did our best impersonations of your average Spanish slacker. Roll out of bed around 10, breakfast, back to bed, beach for 4 hours, taverna for cocktails, back to the hotel for the cost-cutting dinner of jamon, bread, olives and Sangria, then an evening wandering the city. It was a fitting end to 5 weeks in this gorgeous country. Here are a few pictures. Que bonita!

From there, it was a gauntlet run through airports, including a dead sprint across Heathrow,complete with an O.J. Simpson Hertz commercial juke move around a loud-mouth female liquor rep from Chicago. I only know this because she ended up on the same flight as me and proceeded to give me an earful when she arrived at the gate while I was being probed by the metal detector wand. If your out there somewhere lady, I'm not sorry for dropping some R-rated language as my sweat-drenched frame flew by. And while we're on the subject of airports, why is it that guy driving the huge cart usually flanked by a platoon of geriatrics won't give a guy with only 40 minutes between connections a ride to his gate? I ran by a couple of them that barely looked up from their Daily Telegraph, let alone asked me if I needed a faster mode of transport.

After 22 hours of travel, I reached the "Minnesota nice" confines of Lindbergh terminal (MSP) around midnight. Due to my scholarly pursuits in Madrid this summer, I was only afforded eight total days with the family. This included my cousin Mickey's graduation party where I was able to see a plethora of relatives in one location. It was like the Target Greatland of family visits (one stop shopping).

Just once, I'd like to schedule a family reunion in northern Minnesota where we all dress up in matching t-shirts and take a big group picture. And since when do people have weddings outside the summer months? I'm missing three cousins tying the knot in the next 6 months. No, the three of them aren't marrying each other. We're from Minnesota not Mississippi.

The remainder of the week included school shopping with Mom and Dad (as a teacher, you're never to old to have Mom take you shopping!), dinner at Grandma's house, an ill-fated fishing trip with my father (some nautical faux pas are better kept a secret, right Dad?), golf with my two brothers, and water-skiing at the cabin. We even found time to get everybody to smile for a family picture (no matching T's though).

I'm looking forward to the summer of 2010, when I will have finally concluded my schooling the real purpose for summer is realized. Eight days was not nearly enough time to hang out with the family and get all my visiting in, so some day I will take the better part of eight weeks to hang out in Minnesota and spend my days playing with my niece and nephew and shoveling goose crap off the beach at my brother's cabin. It's the simple things in life, ya know?