A new low . . .

Me, a couch, and cable television. Last night I was able to watch Sharkboy, Abyss, Black Reign, and Rellik duke it out in a "Silent Night, Deadly Night" match. This ridiculous spectacle included a Christmas tree fashioned out of barbed wire placed in the center of the squared circle. Under the tree were presents that contained weapons such as a golf club, a bag of glass, a bag of thumbtacks, and a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.

Yes, it's cold outside and I have resorted to watching pro wrestling. It was so much better when I was a kid.

My new editorial assistant

I've hired a new staff member here at the Chronicle. Her typing speed needs work but she has the people skills and ambitious nature that we look for in young up-and-coming journalists. When hiring new people, I tend to base my decisions on raw potential and the desire to learn on the job. I think I've made a good call with this new hire, except we really need to work on this drooling on the keyboard problem.

I'm dreaming of a white sands Christmas . . .

The last day of school before break is alway the most off-the-wall time for middle school kids. The feverish anticipation of a full three weeks without school adds a chaotic feeling.

But here, things are a bit different. Most of these kids are not thinking about trips to grandma's house, sledding, or building snowmen. There is no shed full of snowmobiles, or drilling holes in a frozen lake in the hopes of landing a giant slab crappie.

Instead, some of these kids will be heading to exotic locales like the Seychelles Islands, or Phuket, Thailand. Others will head to Paris or Egypt. That is the life of an international student. You get all this time off from school and the means to enjoy some pretty extraordinary places.

All of that anxious energy really doesn't translate into much academic progress so ASW has tried to temper what some would call a wasted day with unique educational opportunities called "mini-courses". Students choose 3 classes from a list of offerings such as tie-dying, making ginger-bread houses, ice-skating, or bowling. The editor of the Chronicle was fortunate enough to spend his morning at the water park supervising kids from the cozy warmth of the jacuzzi. As little orphan Annie says, "It's a hard knock life".

The difference between America and yogurt?

The answer to this often heard riddle? Yogurt has culture! Just providing a little microbiology humor for you on this dark and gloomy Friday in Warsaw. Yes folks, we have entered "the tunnel" as the teachers at ASW call this time of year. It starts around mid-November and lasts until the end of February. During this span, we rarely see the sun. It is dark when you roll out of bed, and dark when the kids go home at 4 PM. During the daylight hours, the sky is consistently gray, enough to make a person retreat to the nearest solarium, or tanning salon.

The best way to combat tunnel syndrome is to venture out of your home during the evenings. On Wednesday, for example, I received a dose of high-brow sophistication by attending the opera. Yes, the opera. And as anybody who has known me for awhile can attest, I can sometimes lack the social refinement necessary to blend in at functions such as this. However, I found this spectacle to be quite elegant, albeit a severe test of my limited attention span.

The interior of Teatr Wielki was quite a sight to behold. Like most of the ornate buildings in Warsaw, it was completely destroyed during WWII but painstakingly recreated during the 50's and 60's. You can take a virtual tour here.

All the operatic cliches were on display. The show was called La Traviata, or "The Misguided One". It was sung in Italian, but they did have a lighted sign above the stage where the play was translated into Polish. This does nothing for the monolinguistic imbecile. Yes, there was the proverbial "fat lady" from the famous sports quotation: "It ain't over until the fat lady sings." In this case, she sang. And sang. And sang some more. And then she dies at the end. Maybe from too much singing.

La Traviata clocked in at around 2 hours 40 minutes. This is longer than most sporting events, but certainly not as exciting. They did have a couple intermissions where one could hit the concession stand. However, there were no giant pretzels, hot dogs, or oversized foam #1 hands for sale. This led me to ponder few ways they could improve the opera:

5) You should be allowed to stand and cheer during the exciting parts of an opera.

4) Since there are not many exciting parts, more fight scenes could be added, and maybe even a chase scene that spills out into the audience.

3) One of the songs should be designated for audience participation, ala "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Who wouldn't want to belt out the lyrics "I'm the Barber of Seville! Figaro! Figaro!" at the top of their lungs?

2) Everything is better with dancing. Have the singers shed a few pounds and incorporate some choreography. Think Michael Flatly from "RiverDance" but with the voice of Luciano Pavarotti.



1) Scotchguard the theatre seats, install cupholders and allow beer vendors to roam the aisles. But they would call out in an operatic tone. "Beer here! Get your ice cold beer here!" Or in Polish "Ziemno Piwo!" (Damn I'm getting good.)

That's all for now! If it's sunny where you are . . . ENJOY IT! I am jealous and rapidly turning a shade of pale that matches the fluffy powder I am hoping to find in Idaho at the end of the month.

Do widzenia!

Twinsanity

Great weekend . . . Had a party at my place for Luiza and her twin sister Asia (AH-sha). The girls turned 30. Hard to believe, they look like they are still about 23. Something in the water over here, maybe. It was a great party, and I was happy to host. Am I getting lazy with the use of these video blogs instead of actually writing something? Well, I think that you would much rather look at some pics of these two cuties than read some random musings about my daily life.

12 more days until I'm back in Minnesota! See you soon!

From Russia with love . . .

Here are the pictures of the Speech and Debate Team's trip to Moscow, with a few archived pictures added for flavor:

К сожалению, я пока не говорю по-русски!

It's nice to be back in the tropical latitudes of Poland. This is a relative comparison to the frigid tundra of Russia, where I have spent the last four days. Mid-November and there was already a substantial accumulation of powder on the ground with a bone-chilling wind that seemed colder than anything I have experienced in northern Minnesota. Okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration but it made me glad I brought my long underwear.

Normally, I would steer clear of Moscow this time of year. Come to think of it, I don't think I would ever have made it to the Russian capital without the benefit of being the coach of the ASW Middle School Speech and Debate Team. I know what you're thinking, "How does one achieve such a distinguished position?". Well, I was the first one to answer the e-mail from the activities director once I heard where the tournament would be held.

Growing up during the height of the Cold War (i.e. the Carter and Reagan administrations), I never would have thought that it would be possible that I would someday travel to the center of the "Evil Empire". This was supposed to be forever forbidden, since the Soviets were purportedly hell-bent on completely destroying me, and my country, using nuclear weapons. The only way to avoid this, of course, was by hiding underneath my desk at St. Leo's Elementary. At least, that is what the emergency preparedness filmstrips would have me believe. You remember filmstrips don't you? Everyone would always clamor for the privilege of turning the knob on the projector at the sound of "BEEP!". Good memories indeed.

I think my childhood fear of being vaporized peaked after watching "The Day After", a made for TV movie about a nuclear attack on a small mid-western city. "But I live in a small mid-western city! This could happen to me!" I thought. Check out this clip to and put yourself in my shoes as an impressionable young boy. It scared the @$#% out of me.

But thanks to Rocky Balboa, the Cold War ended on Christmas Day in 1985. His victory over Ivan Drago and the impassioned speech that followed made me realize I wasn't going to die. Because in Rocky's words,
"If I can change . . . and you can change. . . . everyone can change!"

Thanks for reading! I will have pics from this trip up soon . . . Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

You just might learn something here.

The Kielbasa will retroactively chronicle a couple trips taken last month. It has been a slow couple of weeks since fall break but this should whet your appetite for a trip to Europe . . . my door is always open!

My friend from way back in the day, Brian a.k.a. Scrote, met me in Berlin for the weekend last month. What a great city . . . amazing art, a youthful vibe, great nightlife, and plenty to offer from the historical perspective. It is always great to catch up with such a great friend, even if it is just for a couple days. Check out some pics:

The next bunch of pics you will see is of Torun, birthplace of Mikołaj Kopernik. "Who the heck is that?" you might be asking. You might know him by his other name, Nicolaus Copernicus, the founder of heliocentric theory. Okay, now you might be really confused. Let's just say that one of the first things that every kid learns in science class is that the sun is the center of our solar system. It hasn't always been that way . . .

Before we gained the knowledge that we are only a miniscule part of the vast cosmos, Copernicus boldly challenged the notion that Earth was motionless and was the center of our universe. This was a pretty ballsy move way back then, since most scientific scholars were also men of the cloth. In the 16th century, any published research that went against church doctrine was met with utter disbelief and could result in house arrest or even death.

So I decided to take the 2 1/2 hour train ride from Warsaw to Torun and spend Saturday afternoon conjuring up the ghost of one of history's greatest scientists. Actually, it was a great excuse to get out of the city and spend the day with
"moj' kochanie", Luiza. Almost 6 hours in the same train compartment and she still returns my phone calls . . . I love this country!

Fall break in Mazury

The Kielbasa is on holiday this week up in northern Poland, enjoying the explosion of fall color and solitude of a cabin in the woods. My friend Murph was generous enough to invite me along for a week-long retreat to the Mazury Lake District. The parents of one of his past students have given him anytime access to their private lake house for the last couple years.

I know Murph is one "helluva" kindergarten teacher but he must work some serious magic because this place is truly spectacular. The house (and stable for the horses) sits on a private lake surrounded by 80 acres of forest. Not a bad place to kick back, eat a lot of fried food and down some piwo.

As always, there was no shortage of unusual scenery in the rural Polish countryside. For fans of "The Food Bus" back in Warsaw (see January entry "Late Night Grub"), some enterprising purveyors of roadside homecooking bring you . . . The Food Jet! I am not kidding. On the way up here, we passed an old passenger jet converted into a fully operational cafe. It was closed on Sunday but I think a visit on the way back home must be done. I will keep you posted . . . thanks for reading.

To the polls for the Poles!

It's election day here in Poland. The "do-over" will become reality today as voters will try to elect a new parliament that will actually put this nation on a progressive course toward economic reform. For the last two years, the only thing that has been getting done is the ongoing witchhunt for former Communist informants in the current government. Oh yeah, and the occasional sex scandal and relentless crusade against homosexuality. Wow! It's just like being back home again! But I will leave "Toe-tappin' Larry" for another time.

There is a paranoia within the current administration, headed by the Kaczynski twins, Lech and Jaroslaw. The Prime Minister, Jaroslaw, will be gone tomorrow, we can only hope. Polling indicates a 17 point deficit so there will be a huge uproar if he isn't ousted. His brother, the President, will be around for a couple more years, but he doesn't wield as much power as our boy, George.

Enjoy this video that pokes fun at "the duck brothers". This moniker is derived from their last name, which is similar to kaczka, the Polish word for duck. We, here at the Chronicle, also think they look a bit like waterfowl with their protruding upper lip. Quack quack! On a related note, this year I introduced my cross country team to the phrase "I stepped on a duck".

Chicken Kiev!

One of the many perks of teaching overseas is the opportunity to travel internationally as part of my coaching duties. This is my second year coaching middle school cross country and it is such a refreshing change from the varsity level back in the States. The practices are only two days a week compared to six, and the season last for only 6 weeks. In Idaho, I would start coaching during the dog days of early August and complete the season around Halloween. Also, instead of traveling to a different city for meets every week, we culminate all of our hard work with a trip to a different international school.

This year, we were fortunate to take a trip to Kiev, Ukraine. Since declaring independence from the former Soviet Union in 1991, this country has been divided. Those that live in the West want to forge a closer bond with Europe, and eventually obtain EU membership, and those that live in the East long for the days when they were one with Mother Russia. In fact, one of the most striking monuments in Kiev is the Mother Motherland Statue commemorating the Soviet loss of over 20 million people in World War II.

Kiev has also been called "the Rome of Orthodox Christianity" since this religion traces much of its early history to the churches built there. They certainly are impressive structures with multiple gilded domes dotting the city skyline. The brightly colored facades hint at the stunningly brilliant murals inside depicting the saintly deeds of the church founders.

But for me, what was most fascinating about Kiev was the ubiquitous presence of organized crime. Large black luxury cars and SUVs with tinted windows moved slowely up and down the main streets within the city. Upon parking, there would always be a cadre of burly, neckless thugs wearing earpieces that would surround the vehicle before the occupant exited. I'm not saying that just because you own an ultra-expensive car and have bodyguards, you are affiliated with the mob, but my tour guide informed me that 200 people control 90% of the wealth in Ukraine. It takes a lot of greased palms to acquire all that power in such a short time. And corruption breeds poverty while poverty, in turn, breeds resentment. I'm thinking that these guys need a lot of protection and also the status symbols that make the resentful impoverished people like me remember where my place is.

My colleague, Rachel, and I were lucky to get an up-close look at a couple of these cars outside the restaurant where the coaches' dinner was being held. The bodyguards were even kind enough to let us pose for a picture. Even the Ukrainian mafia is kind to tourists.

Politics is definitely a taboo topic of conversation in Ukraine. I tried to get some perspective on the state of the government from Mila, our tour guide. This woman has been living in Kiev since she was a little girl and has seen it all. Elections had only been held a few weeks before and she said that it was too soon for her to be commenting on them. However, I have a comment. I want to congratulate Ukraine on electing one of the most stunningly beautiful prime ministers in world history. At age 48, Yulia Tymoshenko shatters the mold of what a powerful woman should look like. I applaud the Ukrainian people for putting her in power even though she doesn't exude authority like the Thatchers and Merkels before her.

One of the stops on our tour was a walk through the park that sits across from the parliamentary building. Since 2004, political lobbyists have been camped inside tents on the park's lawn. The number of tents has fallen from a high of 20,000 in 2004, around the time of the pro-west Orange Revolution. Only a few dozen communist sympathizers have kept up their vigil near the capital. They really hold no allegiance to any of the 38 parties that hold offices, but instead are paid to "rabble-rouse" for the highest bidder, usually the shady oligarchs (Putin lovers) on the eastern side of the country.


The President, Victor Yushchenko, sends his kids to Pechersk International, the school that hosted the cross country meet. Apparently, he is married to a Ukrainian-American and they wanted a bilingual education. People I talked with at the school described how much of a distraction it can be to have armed guards outside their classrooms even though their is a sign clearly posted in front telling you to check your weapons at the gate. In case you've forgotten, Yushchenko was the guy that had his face disfigured from dioxin poisoning during the 2004 elections. They play by a different set of rules in the "Wild East".

Thanks for reading . . . only 8 more weeks until I am back on American soil! Check out some pics of the Motherland (Ukraine that is):

Run Warsaw!

Remember the movie Forrest Gump? One of my favorite parts is when he just kept running and running and running. After a few weeks, people start following Forrest as he crosses the country and then runs back to his home in Alabama. He is given credit for starting the jogging craze of the 70's, and launching the fitness boom, spawning our obsession with burning calories or limiting their intake.

Here in Poland, the quest for self-improvement has lagged behind a few decades. There just isn't that much of a need for exercise when people are concerned with getting ahead in the new economy, or, to be more succinct, just getting to and from work. This usually involves walking, a novel concept that most of America has long forgotten. Combine this with the lack of fast food and the average Pole stays relatively svelte without the need for self-imposed physical torture.

Corporate giant, Nike, a genius at forecasting and even manufacturing trends has decided that Poles need to get fit. The last few years, they have invested a significant chunk of the swoosh fund in putting on Run Warsaw, a 5k / 10 K road race.

The entry fee is only 25 zloty (about $9)and includes a sweet tech fabric T-shirt and a week long membership at a local fitness chain. This takes me back to the good old days in the early 90's when you could enter Grandma's Marathon for a mere $20. And I could usually count on my loving mother to pick up the tab. Now, I don't think you can find many road races back home that are under $25.

This brilliant marketing scheme has certainly paid dividends for Phil Knight and company. The race was filled to capacity with 20,000 participants eager to see if they could finish the 3.1 mile distance. Most decided to forego the 10k, as I'm sure this was a first-time road race for many.

Anyway . . . here are some pics. In the spirit of non-conformity, we decided to funk things up a bit and give our Nike shirts a bit of added flair. You have to do something to stand out among such a huge crowd.

Rugby World Cup report . . . video blog!

Okay, this is going give you a better glimpse of Scotland than anything I could write. Sorry about colorful language! Thanks for visiting the site!

Roadtrippin' . . .

Sorry about the delay on the Scotland World Cup Rugby report. Needless to say, it exceeded all expectations and has to rank as one of the best experiences I've had thus far in Europe. The atmosphere of an international rugby match is electric but it is also a more civilized type of fun than a soccer contest. The fact that this tournament occurs once every four years makes it that much more special.

I worked for a couple hours last night on a youtube video encompassing the weekend in Scotland, but due to technical glitches it isn't ready yet. I will try to finish it on Sunday but I'm meeting my good friend Scrote in the former East Berlin this evening for a weekend of Cold War era debauchery. I can make no promises!

Tonight, I will fire up an Opel Corsa rental and head west to Germany. Everybody who's been to Berlin talks about how much history the city has. I remember watching this back in high school . . . try not get misty-eyed!

World Cup Rugby 2007

This weekend, a couple friends from work and I will be hopping on a plane to Glasgow, Scotland. From there we will drive to Edinburgh, home of Murrayfield Stadium and the Scottish Rugby Union. Sunday, the Scottish National Rugby team is taking on the All-Blacks from New Zealand. Many are predicting a lop-sided blowout in favor of the kiwis, who are also the pick of most to take home the Webb-Ellis Cup as tournament champions.

I've had this date circled on my calendar since I bought the tickets way back in March. I wonder how many kilts I will see among the 68,000 fans slated to attend.

The few Scotsmen I know are difficult to understand when sober. My computer translator is programmed to decipher 9 languages but drunken Scottish rugby fan is not one of them. I will have to make it a point to imbibe in the local spirit so I can be on the same wavelength as the rest of the fans.

It's going to be difficult not to overuse the phrase, "If it ain't Scottish, it's CRAP!" I will try everything in my power not to be annoying American tourist guy. As George Bush would say, that's going to be "hard work".


One of the traditions of the All-Blacks is the "haka". This is the traditional call to battle adopted from the Māori tribe in New Zealand. It is performed before every match and would definitely cause my bowels to release if I was facing off against these guys on the pitch:

Field trippin'

Here are some video highlights of our field trip to Malbork Castle and Gdansk:

Politically insulated.

Last week, Poland dissolved their parliament. This means little for me, other than a source of wonderment at how a country can just decide they need a "do over" because the current legislative body is so inept. Most of the Poles I have talked to are rejoicing over this but maintain their cynical nature when asked if things will really be better after the new elections in a couple weeks.

Ahhhhhhh . . . would those who voted in the 2004 election like a do over? It really is nice to be oblivious to the daily idiocy your Prez provides. I shouldn't say "your" since most Kielbasa readers are enlightened, progressive thinkers who live in either blue states or Boise, the blue ship that sails in a sea of crimson.

God Bless America, and nobody else.

The big catchup blog . . .

Okay . . . a lot of random happenings floating around in the Kielbasa offices that need to be talked about. I will try to briefly touch on a wide variety of topics, some reaching as far back as July. Forgive me for selectively forgetting to publish thoughts on such important events as peeing on the jellyfish sting of a friend in Spain , the arrival of my friend Bag in Polska, and the Warsaw Frogs victorious defense of the Capital's Cup in Vienna.

Let's start with a two week holiday in Spain to finish off July. My friend Sean "I'm Irish, not English" Doyle was generous enough to invite me and a couple other lads down to his parents beachside villa in the southern town of Puerto de Mazzeron. On my way there, I flew into Barcelona and promptly had my ATM, card and phone "nicked", as the Brits say, on the first night in town. Following a frantic morning of filing a police report after waiting behind about a dozen other pickpocket victims, I had to head to the U.S. consulate to call my Mom and Dad back in Minnesota. Let's just say that I am one of the lucky ones who can always count on my parents to bail me out of trouble. Not everybody has that support at age 33.

After procuring some aid from the parents, via Western Union, I jumped on the next bus out of town, which just happened to be the one that took 9 hours to get to my destination. The day before they told me 4, but apparently that was the express bus. I was on the bus that stops in every city on the southern coast of Spain. Add the fact that the air conditioning was broken and you have occasion to use the Polish phrase: "Nie mam farta!" . . . Unlucky!

The rest of the time in Spain was spent learning why Spaniards are so happy. They get up late, start their work day around 10 AM, work until 2 PM, siesta until around 5:00, and then put in a few more evening hours before knocking off for dinner.

The busiest time of day in any supermarket is right before dinner. In Spain, this means that everybody heads there around 9:00 PM, right before closing. We tried to follow the same pattern without the interruptive hassle of work getting in the way. Dinner until 11:00, cocktail hour(s), a fruitless pursuit of local senoritas on the dance floor, and in bed around dawn. Up at noon, hit the beach by 2:00, rinse, lather, repeat. It is no longer a mystery why you don't see many Spanish immigrants.

The timing of our visit coincided with an invasion of jellyfish along the beaches in the south. Sean was the victim of a few stings from one of these nasty little critters, and I had to step in and save the day. For some reason, since I am a science teacher, people think that I'm also Marlin Perkins or Jacque Couisteau reincarnated. It does give me a certain credibility when suggesting that human urine relieves the sting of coelenterates (see, I told you I knew scientific stuff!).

Without the internet to confirm or debunk this myth, he chose to let me, ahem, recycle some beer onto his arm. Strangely enough, he said that it helped relieve the pain somewhat. Just to be on the safe side, he also commandeered some sting relieving lotion from a couple locals. Of course, when I found an internet cafe, my scientific expertise was refuted by the all-knowing Google, but the bond between Sean and I remains.

Booking the flight to come see me in Polonia has been a challenge few have taken in my first year of living over here. After the Janici (two friends named Janice from Boise), Scrote, Tracy the Canuck, and my parents and brother, guests in my flat have only been random strangers. You need to read the previous post if you think that means I'm sleeping around. Now that I write it down, seven guests in my first year seems like a good start.

Year numer dwa (a little Polish to make sure you're focusing), started with a visit by my friend Bag, aka "Andrew O." (he won't let me use his full name for fear of retribution from his employers), and the only person to have survived living with me in three different locales during college. Unfortunately, he only had a week to see all of Eastern Europe. The office of tourism, here at the Chronicle, decided to focus on three countries in a week with the help of a rental car.

I met my old friend in the Krakow airport as we exchanged Polish greetings and a warm man hug. He had learned a few phrases on the 9 hour flight from Chicago, and even managed to squeeze in 4 hours of sleep, something I have found to be impossible. We then hailed a cab and checked into a hostel. No, folks, hostels aren't just for college backpackers. There are people of all ages looking for a cheap place to lay their head during the odd hours between pub crawls and castle tours.

After a couple days touring Krakow, we decided to make the spontaneous decision to point the car south toward Prague. This involved driving through the Polish countryside for most of the afternoon, but allowed us to soak up village scenery you just don't see out of a train window.

After a couple nights in Prague, our epic roadtrip brought us through Dresden, Germany across the border back into Poland and back to Warsaw on roads that make Minnesota Highway 169 seem like the autobahn. Once we were safely ensconced in familiar territory, I gave him a tour of ASW, and showed him the finer points of Warsaw's nightlife.

After the whirlwind week, I put Bag back on the train to Krakow and hibernated in my bed for a few days. It was exhausting packing that much fun into an all-too-brief time. But he seemed to enjoy himself and hopes to make a return visit for an extended stay.

A couple weeks ago, the Warsaw Frogs traveled to Austria for defense of their title as holders of the Capitals Cup. We faced teams from Vienna, Prague, Moscow, and Budapest. This would be my first time on an international tour with the
Frogs, a collection of mighty warriors hailing from all corners of the globe. It is a truly unique experience to be on the same team with players from the U.S, Canada, France, England, Wales, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Poland, Spain, Sweden, South Africa, Australia, and New Zealand. I'm sure I probably missed a few countries, but you get the point. Most of us are ex-pats who either can't let go of the glory years past, or need an excuse to hit and get hit by other agressive Neandrathal types. Off the field, however, you'll never meet a more culturally refined group of gentlemen.

We fielded a strong squad this year, traveling 27 strong. This is a far cry from collegiate days at North Dakota State, when we'd load 15-17 players into 3 cars and hit the interstate to exotic destinations like Winona, Gustavus Adolphus, and Duluth. But we were much more durable back then. The men's game features harder hitting players with a few more pounds and the attitude to prove something.

The Frogs triumphed in their first three matches, rolling over Moscow, Prague, and Budapest. The defensive juggarnaut allowed only 1 try until the fourth match of the day when fatigue and substitutions resulted in a loss to the host squad, Vienna. However, we had already secured a spot in the final against Prague so this loss was a formality. In fact, it helped refocus the team for the final which we won in convincing fashion, 10-0. Okay, so it wasn't that convincing.

After the tourney ended, we retired to the hostel (see, not only college students!) and donned our formal evening attire. This consisted of veterans in superhero costumes, and tour virgins dressed as damsels in distress. The author got off easy, only required to dress as an effeminate cowboy, which I think was a reference to Brokeback Mountain. In rugby, the competition extends off the pitch to what we call "the third half". And the Frogs easily outdistanced the four other sides at the awards banquet, which was held at the Ottokringer Brewery.

Well, that is it for this week in Polska. If you have an appetite for more prose from abroad, check out my former colleague, Danielle Richert. She just relocated from Middleton, Idaho to an international school in Ecuador. Since she's an English teacher, please don't compare her flawless composition to the error-filled hack job usually found here. Her blog can be found here: www.deeanddee.blogspot.com

Thanks for reading!

The summer of surf . . .

Some of you may have heard of the hospitality exchange site, couchsurfing.com, by now. It has been written about briefly in a past entry in the Chronicle, detailing the exploits of those crazy tuxedo travelers.

The month of August in Europe is probably the peak of the travel season. Thus, I have seen a definite upswing in the number of requests to stay on my couches. After the aforementioned penguins, there was a nice couple from New Zealand, Dan and Anna, on their way to Ukraine for a month. They hung out at the flat (maybe I should think of some cool nickname for my place?) for five days while waiting for their visas from the Ukrainian Embassy.

At the same time I was hosting the Kiwis, two lovely French girls, Angeline and Isabelle, came to stay on the other fouton. I learned a lot about French culture, including the fact that teachers in France only have to work (be in front of students)15 hours a week! Fantastique! Also, the country has approved a smoking ban in all public places starting next February. Doesn't everyone think of the average French citizen as someone enjoying a glass of wine and a cigarette at an outdoor cafe on a breezy summer day? And of course, they would be wearing the requisite beret : )

Last week, two fun-loving Swedes, who were the polar opposite of each other came to stay for a couple days. Jerker (the J is pronounced like Y) and Rony were taking a week holiday in Poland and their first stop was Warsaw. Jerker was a clean cut mechanical engineering student, and Rony is not. Rony had a smooth shaved skull, was covered in tatoos, and had a nasty habit of chewing snoose. But, he was a helluva guy who's devotion for his favorite Swedish death metal band, Skitsystem, knows no bounds. In fact he had etched the names of that band and another into his forearm. I'm thinking this display of fanaticism would at least be good enough for backstages passes or a a free Skitsystem fan club membership. When I get back to the states this winter, a heart with "Manilow Forever" is going on my right buttock.

Next, came a couple of girls from Munich, Alissa and Coco. They were entering their last year of high school and at the tender age of 18 were willing to take the risk of staying with this creepy old guy in Warsaw. What parent thinks this is a good idea? I suppose it's just the fact that I have a very trustworthy looking face, right?

Welcome to 6th Grade . . . don't make me angry!

Tomorrow marks the beginning of school here at ASW. I'm feeling pretty good about it since I don't have my head firmly entrenched in you know where after living here for a year. With age comes experience and wisdom, right? So you'd think I'd know better than to go out and get a nice shiner the weekend before school.

Old habits die hard and it seems I still like to tackle people with my face during rugby matches. Oh well, this might give me an air of intimidation on the first day of meeting my new kids. But I am also fearful of what my face will look like after this weekends Capital's Cup tournament in Vienna. Three matches in one day could be a risky proposition in maintaining my rugged ugliness. Wish me luck in not coming back to Warsaw looking like a raccoon!

Goodbye summer . . . we had some good times.

The author returns to work this week, reinvigorated from a couple months traveling back to the states to see family and friends. It certainly was a busy couple of months crisscrossing the world from Warsaw to Boise to Coeur D'Alene, back to Minneapolis, up north to Hibbing then home again. Whew! I think I'm experiencing jet lag symptoms just from writing that sentence.

Summer started off by landing in Boise to celebrate Hash #1000, the weekly run of the Boise Hash House Harriers. This is a wonderful group of finely conditioned athletes who combine drinking with long distance running. For a detailed description of what this is all about, go to www.boiseh3.org If you see some debaucherous pictures of a guy who looks similar to me, that's just my double Matt. He's a real fun guy to hang out with, but I was constantly getting mistaken for him back in Boise.

Around 26 (the exact number escapes me) of my friends from the aforementioned "running club" competed in the Ironman Coeur D'Alene triathlon this summer. I was lucky enough to venture up to picturesque northern Idaho to cheer them on. Most of them were first-time entrants in a race like this so there were a lot of jangled nerves that morning when high winds kicked up white capped waves on Lake CDA. Some had done zero swimming prior to entering this crazy test of endurance so to see conditions that test even the most skilled of swimmers certainly had to tighten a few sphincters. Check out the vid from the local news that morning. Gotta love youtube:


Anyhow, to make a really long story (and day) short, everybody came through with the proverbial flying colors and finished the race. It was emotional for all since they had worked so hard for months to accomplish this monumental feat. Now, the thoughts of "What's next?" are flying through post-race conversation. I know I was a bit envious of seeing them come across the finish line. It's tough to train over here on the roads of Poland without taking your life into your hands, so it could be awhile before I figure out the logistics of doing a triathlon over here. However, there is some hope since the school just hired a new counselor who has done Ironman before. The addition of a training partner just may roust me off the couch and onto the road.

Well, I'm going to continue this entry later since it's been a couple weeks since I've written. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention how great it was to spend time with "the two cutest kids in the world" my nephew Griffin and his new sister Lauren. The picture above was taken at my brother Paul's house and gives you a good idea of what most of my time in Minnesota consisted of: quality time on the couch.

Okay, this has the potential to be one of those lengthy entries so I'll cut it short and pick it up later . . . for now. Thanks for reading . . . do zobaczenia!

My first Polish wedding . . .

I wrote the following back in June, but didn't want to publish it to the web without pictures. This was also the first time I had done any driving in Poland, beyond commandeering my boss's car for a quick trip to the clinic. I'm sure that Aldona's sister's (gramatically correct?) car still bears impressions from my white-knuckle death grip on the steering wheel.

The road that leads from Warsaw to Minsk and onto Moscow is like taking the traffic from a typical U.S. interstate and putting it onto a two lane rural highway. There are a lot of goods that need to be moved from Western Europe into Russia. Throw in the fact that in the last 10 years the average Pole has acquired the income to purchase a vehicle and you have the ingredients for disaster, er, I mean, adventure.

When passing the endless parade of lorries (read: hulking trucks that can squash a tiny Peugot) it's necessary to straddle the centerline as oncoming traffic drifts to the shoulder to avoid the impending collision. How I ended up driving is another story unto itself. Okay, pretend you have traveled back to the second week in June:

Last weekend was certainly a great way to spend my last few days in Poland before heading back home. One of my friends from couchsurfing.com, Aldona, invited me to be her guest at a wedding in the town of Białystok. This is the largest city in northeastern Poland near the Belarussian border. It's also home to the medical school where Aldona studied before moving to Warsaw for her apprenticeship.

The wedding was held in Białystok Cathedral, an impressive gothic structure in the center of the city. The church was half full at the beginning of the ceremony but by the time mass had ended, it was filled with old folks queuing up for Saturday evening mass. They would just shuffle down the center aisle disregarding the fact that there was a wedding going on around them.

After pledging their lives to each other, the bride and groom waited in the reception line to receive flowers from everybody who attended the ceremony. Flowers are a big thing here, and seem to have an attachment to every tradition. I'm guessing that Poland is one of the biggest consumers of flora in all of Europe.

To the reception we went, where the happy couple kicked it all off by consuming shots of vodka and breaking the glasses in the street. This certainly foreshadowed the rest of the night for me, as it seemed for every four place settings, there was a bottle of the local spirit, Palace.

The evening was a culinary gauntlet of soups, salads, meats, and confections. Oh, and did I mention the vodka? There is a delicate line one walks when mixing this much food with the obligatory excess of alcohol. In no way do I endorse this practice but when in Poland, you must adapt to the culture. But a few rules must be strictly adhered to:

1. No mixing, this means no beer or wine of any sort.
2. Only drink when a toast is made, which means about every 15 minutes.
3. Drink plenty of juice, which is also provided in ample quantities.
4. Eat, eat, and eat some more! When that 7th course is served around midnight, there's no point in watching your waistline. Just loosen the belt a notch and dive in.
5. Never underestimate the effect of exercise on your metabolism. Translation: Dance your ass off! The band was hired to play for 12 hours, until 6:00 AM. Amazing stamina!

Okay, now return to present day August and wipe the sweat from your brow. Summer's almost over for all of us. Only 10 more days of freedom for this guy, but I'm filling them up with visitors. I recently had my sixth grade teacher, Doris Kolodji,her husband and three kids make a visit to Poland. What a cool experience to be 21 years removed from her class and have the pleasure of hosting her traveling circus. I will include some pics in a future update.

Thanks for reading! And hello to JoAnne Guillaume in Duluth, MN!